Losing one person caused me everything

Someone reminded me on the word happy yesterday. Am I happy? I thought of a lot today. I flashed back to a few days before my mom left, she was already feeling uneasy she couldn't describe well on what's wrong but just don't feel good. She was lying on her bed trying her best to rest, there was nothing I can do so I slept beside her and gave her a long hug while she was resting. I can hear her heartbeat then. I was very worried I told her to please see a doctor and she said she'll be fine and that she will see a doctor soon and told me not to worry because she's fine.

I got my spectacles done today. I remembered I told her how I want it and what my budget was. She did some survey on it and promised she'll find me one. I trusted her, I let her handle everything. She wondered how I look in spectacles after so many years wearing contact lens so I told her I got some pictures and I'll let her see but unfortunately she didn't wait for it. She left too many things half done, too many words half told and too many promises not done.

I want to talk to her. I have lots of things to tell. I can't find someone better to tell. I'm searching for a right person that can understand me and simultaneously give the right "care" feeling I always wanted. I feel so empty, I don't belong anymore. Like a piece of trash where nobody wants, nobody cares. I've lost love and protection.

So, am I happy?