Things will get tougher as you grow

Recently I’ve understood a lot things. Many common and usual thoughts of every adult by my side or have appeared in my life. I use to be quite ignorant whenever adults beside me discuss life. Now that I realize it is because I don’t understand them, I don’t see what they are seeing, I can’t feel them. What have I understood now? Well, I suppose it’s basically about growth.

I became conscious that I’ve been complaining a lot about life lately. I asked myself what is the reason of those complaints. Is it because I never had pressure all this while? Alternatively, would it be because pressures that I had faded every time I got hold to my mom? Where or who do adults go to when they face problems? I have answer to this question, it is a person that is possibly on the same page as you are or at least understand the content of that page. Now this has lead to another problem of my screwed up life. I gave in extra towards some newly generated relationships that caused me relying too much on the other party. When I sense something is not right, and tried to pull myself away, it suffers. Why is this happening? It’s simply because I need someone that could perhaps be on the same page as I am. Silly me, I know. People just have to lose judgment for a bit before they get back on the right track and I am still finding mine.

The ninth 27^th is arriving but my compass is still not working properly. I feel hard and helpless. I've tried very hard and am still keep on trying. In the past 8 months, my weaknesses have surfaced increasingly. I felt useless and unworthy. I’m upset about this but there is no one that could help me. The only place that I can somehow stay is with my siblings although the feeling of being protected is not as strong but at least they won’t harm me and it is also the only place that I have. I just feel like I’m not mature enough to handle my own situation.

This is how I was feeling. I don’t know how to tell anyone. I don’t know who to tell either. I need to feel protected and away from harm.

Where is the person that I need? Please come quickly, keeping everything to my own is tiring, it’s heavy.