It's New Year again

Second new year without mom. Ever since the last time I posted here lots of things happened.

1. Salary increment
2. Started my studies
3. Work was acceptable but still looking for better opportunity
4. Getting closer to colleagues and have two new colleagues joined
5. New manager came in
6. Result for my first semester was great
7. Disaster at work started being my friend
8. Process two countries' payroll all by myself
9. Took over Malaysia payroll officially and process by myself
10. System issue, client complaints, emails shooting here and there - very tiring and exhausted
11. Item number 10 occurs everyday even now
12. Checking emails from home even it's my off day
13. Never one day that I could sleep peacefully without thinking about work

My work load is just not getting any lower in fact, my self esteem is lower. Whatever I do just doesn't satisfy and please my client. I feel stupid and dumb. It makes me worried about my job, I'm thinking of it day and night, worried I might have missed emails. It's not feeling good at all. Cried myself to sleep more and more often. My emotion is getting out of control, I don't understand why am I facing all this stress. I was struggling whether to resign and move on. I have loads of worries in mind but there is no one beside that I could express it to. I'm keeping everything beneath and drown myself with tears. I'm mentally tortured.

I spoke to a few friends finally, all of them said it's alright, I'll be fine eventually. Initially, I was still worried but after speaking to the third person, my feeling was rather relieved. It's not because the words she told, it's not that she gave good advice, it's just.....relieved.

I know what's the next thing I should do, follow their advises. Just do it and don't regret, handle my present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear. Keep the faith and drop the fear. God need time to digest and process my request, I need to be patient. The person and things that I need will eventually come, it's all about timing. 

Nothing is impossible, don't give up and keep moving. I'll get out of darkness soon.